Thursday, February 16, 2012


      Is what I got when I looked at my comments!  Just didn't expect it, but also we got a new cat and she won't leave my room.

      Scars on the Heart

She was exotic, her and her brother’s to the students of Cappa High in Mountain View, Washington.  All eyes landed on them as they made their way through the lunch room.  The two boys-Casper and Jasper- walking on either side of Geneviere.  To the other students they’re the new kids.  The rare batch of triplets who were unbelievably close.
            In reality though, there were first cousins born on the same day, same month, same year in the same hospital.  But to each other they felt like fibers of the same thread.  So as usual, the two boys claimed their lovely cousin as sister and she in return claimed them as brothers.
            To the twin boys it was new.  Though they had traveled the world helping people, they had always been enrolled at the same schools in their hometown.  They were here for only one reason though- to make sure Geneviere adjusted to her new surroundings.

            Geneviere was a shy but worldly five feet and five and a half inches tall.  She had steel blue eyes that always appeared to be shouldering something but you could never tell what.  Her hair was kept at shoulder length and it always lied on the balance between dishwater blonde and light brown with slight red highlights.

            To Geneviere this was just another school, another town, another place in time that will blend in with so many others.  From a young age she started traveling the world due to a heartbreaking event.  Her parents divorced when she was six and in the settlement her mother, Sarah McClain, got full custody over her more responsible and less erratic father, Thomas Johnson.

            Geneviere had carried around a feeling of unwantedness when regard of her father’s feelings towards her.  Even since Jackson’s death a lot has changed in her immediate family.  her mother set off immediately the divorce to California where she buried her grief in work and men.

            Thomas left the family ranch in Gatesville, Texas and moved up north to the large property he owned in Mountain View, Washington.  Thomas was still a figure at the family’s global business, but he did not participate actively.  Unlike his ex-wife, he drew into himself and refrained from making any important decisions.


     This is what I have so far, it's not much but it's got potential.


  1. I'm loving it. I live in Washington. Triplets but not really, clever... I'm thrilled you have a new kitty. Gayle

  2. "Unlike his ex-wife, he drew into himself and refrained from making any important decisions."

    Excellent. Smooth, descriptive, opens the door to more character development.

    Keep going, don't stop. Get the foundations down now, edit later.

  3. impressive!! i know kids in college and beyond that arent as imaginative or as talented of a writer. keep up the good work!

  4. That is a good start. Keep it up.

  5. What great potential! All good stories start out as rough skeletons. It's up to you to flesh them out into living, breathing things. I have high hopes. Someday, when you're uber-famous, I'm gonna be able to say "I knew Longstory when..."

  6. Really good start to a story. Keep up the good work. I am so glad Coco came back to you, and the kitten is cute.

  7. I really like the characters, and how you introduced them. It really makes me want to get to know more and them and their families (they seem so mysterious now).

  8. Nice start..a tantalizing whiff of mystery. More, please